I Hate Exercise
I hate exercise. This morning I got up, ate my usual breakfast of five tablets and started doing yoga. I do it first. (Well, I visit the bathroom. Too much information?!) I have to do it first else I won’t do it. There I was, trying to copy the exceedingly bendy woman on my mobile phone app, wondering why I was even bothering. I feel like a beached whale.
Just HOW are you supposed to ‘step your right foot between your palms on the mat?’ It’s called ‘low lunge.’ You’re meant to have the other leg behind you, straight (ish) on your toes. It’s called being ‘engaged’ but there’s no pretty ring or cake to go with it. She glibly tells me to ‘engage your core, and step the foot back to down dog.’ What; wait; I’m supposed to be able to step my foot back? Whilst it’s between my hands that are on my knuckles, not palms, because I can’t figure that bit out, and … uh…
You get the picture. I’m not very good at yoga. Most mornings there will be a point where I want to cry a bit, because I feel like I’m really awful. My body is rubbish and I regret the fact I like eating food and drinking a glass of wine on an evening.
Stop Feeling Bad
But actually I’m doing myself a world of good. I notice putting on my smalls a lot easier, (though I often wish they were smaller!) and general movement is better after I’ve pulled myself into contortions for a bit. I remember that the bendy woman is great at yoga. She the example you yearn to be. And she can even do the advanced stuff that looks – well, like something from the circus.
My point is really that we shouldn’t beat ourselves up if we can’t do something. The point is, we’re actually doing something in the first place. In one of my early talks on living with Parkinson’s, I was approached by a man who angrily told me I looked fine and why wasn’t I more like him? I asked how often he exercised and of course he didn’t. “I don’t like exercise” he told me. “Neither do I” said I.
Having Parkinson’s disease should inspire me more. Sometimes it makes me want to curl up and cry instead. I envy my friend Emma. She loves doing Karate, and has even got me trying it out, but I still don’t love exercise the way she does. I’m inherently lazy. Yet I know I must get up, stretch out my fingers and keep on keeping on. I’m so scared of where I might be if I didn’t.
In Denial - And Loving It
I think that everyone that has Parkinson’s is actually really scared. We’re constantly told to live in the now, because we don’t know what’s ahead. We don’t want to think about it. Someone once told me that I shouldn’t stick my head in the ground and ignore it, because it wasn’t healthy. My responses are these.
A – I’m exercising (most) days because I know my body will be even less responsive if I don’t.
B – I’m actually secretly terrified that if I stopped exercising I’d seize up and be significantly more physically restricted.
C – I couldn’t in truth ignore it, even if I wanted to, because Parkinson’s doesn’t work like that.
D – We have to try to pretend we’re OK else we’ll go stark staring mad.
I think I have most bases covered with those. Oh – I forgot the last few.
E – I know I look fine, but I’m not.
F – Stop trying to make me feel bad because I’m not lying on the floor twitching.
G – I still actually hate exercise.
Ha. Think I need to write about those bullet points now.
Keep exercising, even if you think you’re terrible you’re not really. You’ll be doing yourself some good, and it’s better than sitting still in a chair. Ignore the comments from everyone else, you know you, and hang on in there my friends.
Until next time, Kitty.
Kitty Fitton is a motivational speaker, MC and comedian. She is also a full-time blogger and writer. She is mother to four small people and was very cross to discover she had Parkinson’s Disease.
Find out more at her personal site below.
Emma Kyriacou is a real-life ninja. Taking up Karate to help fight her Parkinson’s Disease, she’s co-founder of Good Moves and is passionate about promoting exercise to improve mobility and neuroplasticity. (Is that a word? It should be.)
Find out more at her personal site below.